choices

I feel that last week was an important turning point in my life. I was rejected from medical school. This came about one month after, what I thought was, a successful interview. I was obviously disappointed, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little upset. Even though I was trying to monitor my emotional investment (to avoid becoming too entangled in a long shot), I was not completely successful in insulating myself from the affective. This rejection came the day after I fo
und out the scholarship to which I applied was denied. These events were discouraging for both my prospective paths, medicine and academia. One week later, it's still hard to pin down exactly what prevented me from getting accepted. Having gotten an interview on my first application at least suggests it was probably something minor, but significant -- I imagine my relatively low GPA and lack of diverse experiences in healthcare/medicine probably negatively affected my chances while my context score (i.e., where I grew up and have lived) and my questionnaire (autobiographical sketch) probably carried me into the interview. Unfortunately, it was not enough to get me a spot in the 2012 entering class. Oh well.

So, will I try again? I've thought about this a lot; it is a long and expensive process (applications are due in early October and you don't hear back until mid-May; costs about $150 to apply, $200 to write the MCAT, and depending on where the interview is, that costs money too). I am reading the fact I got an interview, which I was not expecting, as a sign that I am a genuine prospective candidate. I know my [now] completed Master's degree was not applied to my cGPA and that my experiences (volunteering, research) have been minimal so far. These are things that would bolster my acceptance potential. I think I will apply again. Not this year (the deadline would be less than five months away), but maybe the following (2014 entering class), there is much to be done in the meantime.

In the Fall I will return to school for the second year of my PhD. I will focus on completing my coursework (I have six semester-long courses left) and then working on getting my practicum and minor area paper prepared as well. I will also begin working towards a diploma program (in Health Psychology) which should dovetail nicely with my other requirements. Until recently, I was thinking the next big life (i.e., career) decision I will have to make will be between continuing toward my graduate degree or drop out in order to focus on improving my application (mainly through volunteer and work experiences) for entry into medical school. Now I am beginning to think it may not necessarily be an either/or situation.

This summer I will continue to search for volunteer, internship, and research positions outside my immediate academic interests. I will aim towards getting more involved in the intersections between health and social justice, and I will specifically seek to work with the vulnerable and under-serviced. I am convinced that it is through this engagement with people and ongoing social issues that my work in academia will find meaning and purpose. This practical work will be complimented by a reading course that I am working on with my advisor. This reading course will supplement my understanding of social theory as it applies to issues, challenges, and critiques brought forth by the 'neuro-disciplines' (with a focus on foucaultian discourse analysis, biopolitics, and biopower). Tomorrow I will meet with my advisor to discuss these plans.

Perhaps I can complete both my PhD (in 2015) and then go to medical school (enter Fall 2015; complete 2019)? At this moment, this idea captures me: continue to volunteer/work in health-related activities (including minor area paper; Health Psychology Diploma); complete PhD; then enter medical school with a solid background in the medical humanities. This will be a long run, but I feel that if I allow myself to live in present, take advantage of the opportunities that come my way, continue to improve my academic skills (i.e., writing, teaching), and allow my interests to flourish (history/sociology/anthropology of medicine) then even if things don't go the way I've outlined here, I'll be where I want to be.